Can I get my money back?

It was a greatly anticipated boys basketball game between Adamsville High School and Middleton High School. Both teams were having outstanding seasons. In Tennessee most high school basketball games have the girls game first followed by the boys game. Neither girls team was outstanding that year so there was a limited number of fans at first. But after halftime people started pouring in quickly, trying to get a good seat in the small (Hoosiers movie type) gym. It was built in the 1930s and didn't really have the capacity to accommodate the spectators who would attend this game fifty years later. So you really needed to get to the game early if you wanted a good seat. A large crowd can sometimes generate strong feelings and conflict with people and this AHS/Middleton game was a prime example. 

I was in my first year as principal at AHS and, after halftime of the girls game, our booster club president approached and informed me that Mr. Buford and his wife were sitting in the reserved seats of Dr. and Mrs. Aristorenas. The booster club had worked hard to sell season tickets and had designated a special reserved section in the gym for those seats. So he said, "Dr. and Mrs. Aristorenas haven't arrived yet, but when they do, they will want their seats. And you know that by then the crowd will be so large that Mr. Buford and his wife might be unable to find other seats." Not wanting to confront Mr. and Mrs. Buford with the dilemma, he came to me. I didn't know why he was so hesitant to approach them but I soon found out.

Realizing the potential problem, I walked over to the couple and respectfully told them that they were sitting in reserved seats and that they might want to find non-reserved seats before the crowd got too large. I kindly told them that Dr. and Mrs. Aristorenas would likely be here in a few minutes and will want to sit in the reserved seats they had already purchased. 

Well, Mr. Buford did not like that at all! He emotionally inquired if he could he get his money back. I tried to encourage him to stay and find another seat but he was determined to leave the game. Seeing that there was no changing his mind, I said yes--I would return his money. So I walked out of the gym with the couple, went with them to the ticket gate, and told the worker to give them their money back. I could feel the tension in the air. I can still see them walking out of the school, angry and frustrated. 

What happened the next day was both interesting and challenging. My habit on most school mornings was to get up early and go to Granny's Country Kitchen located on Main Street for coffee and something to eat before going on to school. It was here that the gathering of men and women every morning would keep you in touch with the full scope and analysis of how things were going at this small community school, and especially at the ball games.  If you could not take the heat then you'd better stay away. 

Guess what? Mr. Buford was a regular attendee at those early morning gatherings and he was there the next morning after the big game. As I walked into the café, I spoke to him as if nothing had ever happened. But he did not speak or even look up as I walked to my regular seat. This scene would repeat itself for several days. Each day I would speak to him as if nothing was wrong. Finally one day he began to reluctantly speak back. And, after a period of time, things were back to normal as though nothing had ever happened.  

I tell this story because as leaders we cannot hold grudges against people. Throughout my forty-three years in the role of teacher, coach, and/or administrator, it was not unusual to encounter folks who would not speak or who would turn a cold shoulder.  Sometimes they would see me coming and proceed to walk away in the opposite direction. This can make you angry. Your inclination is to avoid or not speak to them either. It is a hard lesson to learn, but I believe we are called upon to keep on speaking to others even when they refuse to speak to us. As a leader, controlling your own behavior is paramount even if you can't see its results for a long time or maybe ever.

Maybe we need to show grace toward those from whom we are estranged.  Mr. Buford and I renewed our friendship because I realized that I must not wall him off or label him for his attitude at the game. He may have had a bad day or my talking to him about the seats might have embarrassed him in front of others. A leader understands that people are going to make mistakes. He never formally apologized for his actions that night but informally, in his own way, he did. If we want grace for our mistakes, then we must be willing to extend it to others. I am convinced that effective leaders understand this valuable practice. 

Remember, I believe we are all leaders regardless of our position.